I have been struggling to write this post. First, I tried vlogging it. But for some reason I had technical difficulties, noise in the background and scrambled thoughts. Then I tried outlining it for writing. But (yes, another one) I couldn’t focus my thoughts on the most beneficial message to share today.
Thus, I’m late with this post.
I knew I had to finish. Why else would it be so hard to write? Either the message is needed for you or me. I’m not quite sure yet since I’m writing freehand here.
I stepped away from the post and decided to work on another project. I needed to move my focus to gain focus.
My attention went to working on a review for a book. Yet, I had some issues pronouncing the author’s name. I went to YouTube and decided to search for the author. I thought surely I’ll find a video with him pronouncing his name. I’d hate to provide an informative review yet butcher the author’s name.
What I found shook me to my core. Or at least the core of my original angst.
You see, I thought I was moving on but life had another plan. I found myself confronting the very issue I wanted to temporarily set aside.
My Issue: Whether I am ready to exhibit life-changing faith.
Then I heard this:
“The greatest humility you can exhibit is if God doesn’t show up you’re going to look stupid.” – Steven Furtick
(The video is below.)
I don’t know about you but humility is something I struggle with. I spent much of my life building my confidence in my abilities to produce results. I now realize it was God’s favor and presence producing the results.
However, at the time I thought it was me. My hard work. My education. My tenacity.
My…my…my… Fill in the blank.
This leaves me exposed. Really?!?
… It wasn’t my awesomeness but Your awesomeness…
This also leaves me hopeful. Wait…God if it’s your awesomeness then what about me…
God is the producer. My part…obedience.
To me, my part seems HUGE.
My part seems huge because I feel a huge call in my heart. I say, huge, but it’s all relative. To me it seems huge because I’ve always took calculated risks. I’ve always like knowing the end and strategizing each perfectly organized step.
Thus, Pastor Steven’s words caused me to cringe.
You know, the cringe where one eye is squeezed closed because the other is excited about the possibility. The cringe that has you holding your breath.
The cringe causing your body to tense…freezing in place…hoping it really didn’t hear what you thought you heard because if you heard what you thought you heard…you’re screwed!
Then he stamps humility on it. So not only is my faith off but I’m proud.
I dare not touch this one. Pastor Steven is soooo not on my Christmas card list. We are working with a newly established relationship and he is rocking the boat.
I don’t like how this feels.
Yet something about it feels…right.
My heart is clinging to the message but my mind is looking for the escape clause.
I am in the midst of exhibiting life-changing faith. Pastor Steven’s comment, boldly stated, pierced my heart.
Shook my faith. Challenging me to dare to open my heart and proclaim what I believe God is asking of me.
His statement challenged me to share my only God can do it step as I’m wondering whether I am willing to look stupid.
Just as I toyed with the thought he laid another sucker punch to my gut….
“If the size of your vision is not intimidating to you there’s a good chance that it’s insulting to God.” – Steven Furtick
Oh Pastor Steven, we need a long talk mano a mano. Because I have some words for you—one on one.
My friends, I’m writing this with a vulnerable heart. I am adding humor to soften the blow but it’s a real challenge before me.
I hope I’m not alone.
I doubt I’m alone.
Because God would not place 650+ women in a room together as merely a pep rally. I don’t believe it one bit. I believe He had us in the room to shake us up. To challenge us to life-changing faith.
Pastor Steven merely delivered the knockout punch for me. But it is a battle that I’ve weathered for months now.
Pray for me.
The vision in my heart is so big I feel like I should issue shades. My heart leaps at the thought but my mind is wondering…you’ve got to be kidding me.
I have shared portions with key people. But I have a feeling it’s time to share more because I can’t contain it. But what if…
What if…I’m wrong.
What if…I fall flat on my face.
What if…I made it up.
What if…It’s all a figment of my imagination.
Dreaming big comes with exposure to hurt and failure and as Pastor Steven so eloquently put it “looking stupid”.
Pray for me.
I am posting this although I’m not sure what will happen. I am not editing it because well if I did I think I’d remove the majority of it to protect this very fragile feeling.
However, I believe I have to share it.
My requests for prayer are sincere. Also know I’m not stopping with this post. I have taken the next steps.
I’m believing God and my belief in Him is what I will cling to as every logical cell in my brain screams….RUN.
So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies…– Joshua 10:13
Question: Have you ever experienced a life-changing faith moment in your life? If so, please share. Add Your Comment below in the comment section.
After the Blog
This may seem extremely cheesy but I had to write it. This is an additional section for people willing to extend grace for me to complete this thought. I include it in the “After the Blog” section because I don’t want you to think …. whew this girl is long-winded…
You can also choose to come back and read this section later. But I think it will be worth the trouble. And I’ll promise to only do it from time-to-time. This, of course, being one of those times.
Sun Stand Still
I will also close with this question for your heart. If you too are in the midst of a life-changing faith experience, ask yourself this…
Are you willing to believe God?
This response is for you.